Crocheters and knitters generally DREAD the task of weaving in the yarn ends on any project - ESPECIALLY larger ones. This blog post is not about those challenges, but the metaphor applies (and who doesn't love a great crochet or knitting metaphor?!)
I speak often at conferences and professional meetings (I have done this regularly since 2010, across multiple states) and I consistently address the issue of our expectations as compared to the reality.
I do this in contexts specific to healthcare, the workforce in general and with student groups (I have been teaching/faculty in higher education since 2001). In my own way, I have tried to encourage people to think realistically about their lives and plans, while maintaining their dreams. In other words, I talk about balancing those two, sometimes conflicting goals.
It is my belief that our culture has been misleading people for many years. In the United States, especially, we promote this idea that EVERYONE can do ANYTHING and be ANYONE. We point to modern success stories like Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Jeff Bezos, Steve Jobs (and others) who are/were multi-millionaires or billionaires, and whose life stories are inspirational. Who among us doesn't want success like that!? It's a WONDERFUL practice to have goals, and to dream big; but my observations over the years have been that we are failing our kids when we don't tell the WHOLE story about these successful folks.
Most people in an elite category (similar to the ones I mention above) achieve their extraordinary success through a combination of things.
Here is a partial list:
smarts (intellect, intellectual capacity, etc.)
unique knowledge/skills/abilities
ability to apply their knowledge/skills/abilities to a project or body of work
willingness to work
access to power (Bill Gates's mother introduced him at a young age to Warren Buffet)
resources (parents/family with connections and/or money)
being in the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time (fate, or good luck)
Oprah Winfrey and Maya Angelou rose to stardom from humble beginnings and early, abject circumstances. I believe also that Steve Jobs' life was grounded in humble beginnings. They not only overcame them, but rose to international fame and fortune. In my opinion, these folks absolutely rose to prominence on the backs of their knowledge, skills and abilities. They also had some lucky breaks along the way, as all successful people have at some level. Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and others had more privileged foundations so while they too had great ideas, were smart, and worked hard; they also had some advantages that many of us do not. I chose these people as examples to show that there is not one "secret sauce" to success, AND that there are a lot of factors that come together to make a super-successful icon or mogul. There are people throughout the pages of history who have written tremendous books that never got an agent, contract or made any sales. Conversely, there are books that make the NYT Best Seller list that are mediocre at best, but are promoted to death - or that are tagged by a special interest group that buys them en masse to distribute and promote their particular cause or platform (religious and political figures' books often fall into this category of bestsellers). On a much smaller level, there are people in our communities, neighborhoods and towns who have gone to the same schools, earned the same degrees and had similar early jobs. Some of these folks are catapulted to early power and success while others plod along for years in very average lanes. A portion of these examples can be correlated to work effort and output, but a lot of it can also be attributed to the factors I listed above. And here's where we drop the ball in our culture. We focus WAY TOO MUCH on the handsome prince and beautiful princess fairy tales. Anyone that is or has been married knows that those cartoon stories about happily ever after are GROSSLY incorrect, and I suggest, even harmful. Similarly, the "fairy tales" of successful people are wildly out of touch with the reality of life for most of us. Almost 20 years ago, I was an academic Dean at our local community college. At the time, there was a big push to promote what was termed "Gold Collar Jobs". This was a strata of jobs/careers that required more education than traditionally Blue Collar Jobs, but were less educationally-intense than traditionally White Collar Jobs. In other words, they were good paying jobs with a trajectory for success that did not require a 4-year degree (or more) for entrance into them. When I would travel around to local schools to give a presentation on these jobs, and to promote the many allied health programs at our community college that were "Gold Collar Job" prep, I shared my perspective that MOST of us come from average families, with ordinary lives, and if we are lucky we will live long, happy, ordinary and average lives. My point was not to deflate anyone's dreams or goals but to help students understand that the fairy tales around choosing a career that will provide enough money to support their adult lives were not helpful. Too many of these students, at almost every school, had goals like "be the next Tony Hawk" or "play in the NFL" or "be a baby doctor" or "take care of animals". While none of these are BAD goals, per se, they are often unrealistic. Some of the young ladies that wanted to be "baby doctors" hated school and especially science class and the statistics on the percentage of high school football players that will even get college money to play football (10%), let alone make it into the NFL (< 1%) render that "plan" a poor one, absent a Plan B (and maybe Plan C). How in the sam-hill does ANY of this relate to crocheting and knitting? I'm glad you asked. When we begin a new project of any size or complexity, we are often excited by the purchase of our yarn and energized as we compile our project bag and tools. We visualize the finished product and anticipate the pride and joy we will feel once it is complete. Then,... we realize that we have a TON of yarn ends to weave in (or deal with along the way) before we can gift or use that wonderful new piece. Ugh. Loose ends are a lot like life. We can't get the lovely, hand-made afghan (or other project) without facing the fact that we have to deal with the loose ends. I am using these loose ends as a metaphor for the annoying tasks that are necessary to achieve a life goal - big OR small - and that remain largely unseen to anyone that sees the final product. Whether we are wildly successful, struggling or somewhere in between; ALL of us have to do things that we don't like. All of us must deal with annoying tasks that take time we would rather spend on something fun. That's life. I've shared the research on how knitting and crocheting are good for us (see this blog post). Knitting and crocheting support our mental and emotional health, and are tremendous tools for learning about life. When we are frustrated with how things are going in our careers, our families, or life in general; we need only look to our projects in yarn for some wisdom and support. Time spent knitting or crocheting reminds us that nothing worthwhile comes without some effort. The beautiful sweater, throw or stuffed animal that we make lovingly for someone as a gift (or for ourselves!) is a metaphor about success in life. Like the beautiful finished crocheted blanket or knitted sweater, life success looks great from the outside looking in at the end result, but most of us don't see the whole story. We overlook (unintentionally) the hard work, the annoying tasks, the things that went on behind the scenes - and required extra time and effort - to create that finished product or successful life. We ALSO, too often, judge ourselves harshly for "not measuring up" when we don't know all the facts. Each one of us is running our own race, or as I like to say, "knitting our own socks". The next time we're sitting down with our yarn and hook or needles, we should give ourselves a pat on the back. We're not only making something of beauty and managing our mental and emotional health; we are engaging in a life lesson for all to see - especially as we weave in all those pesky ends! Yarn IS life, and it provides a helpful metaphor for life, with wisdom we can keep and/or pass on. So,... go grab some yarn!
(C) 2023 Stitch 'n Dish
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